Archive for Self-Help

9 Ways Self-Help Actually Helps Those Around You

image809You’ve heard the saying that you can’t help anyone until you help yourself first. And, that no one can change unless they are willing to and want to. If you have determined that there are things about yourself that you would like to improve, self-help might be just the thing that you need.

If you have also found that some of the people in your life need some help too, the best thing you can do is improve those things about you that you see wrong in them. After all, your example might be just what they need.

1. You Can Only Change One Person – The fact is we only have control over one person: ourselves. When you realize that, you’ll start taking more control over your own needs without worrying about how that affects everyone else. For example, if you need to lose weight, but your spouse isn’t very supportive even though they could stand to lose a few pounds too, putting yourself first in this case may rub off on them – especially if you happen to be the cook in the family.

2. When You Are Happy People Want What You Have – When you show people by example that you’re a different person and have accepted responsibility for your life, and it shows through real happiness on your part, people will want what you have and start asking you what you did. You can share your good fortune by sharing the books you read, movies you watched (like The Secret or What the Bleep Do We Know), or the path you took.

3. You Teach People How to Treat You – Dr. Phil is most famous for saying that if people are treating you poorly it may be because you’ve given them permission to do so via actions, if not words. Once you start treating yourself better, your friends and family might decide that they also deserve better. I can tell you this is true from first-hand experience. Finally, after several abusive relationships and working on myself after getting out, I believe that much of the way I was treated by others was because I was treating myself the same way. I treated myself as worthless, so my ex-husband treated me the same way. Others, your children for example, may start treating themselves better as well as you better solely based on your attitude.

4. Learning to Communicate Better Rubs Off – It might surprise you to realize that if you want to stop arguing and fighting in your relationship that it only takes one person to make the change. You have to decide if it’s more important to win fights or to get along. That doesn’t mean you have to accept being walked over, but you can end many fights by just refusing to take part in them. When you teach yourself better communication skills, you’ll learn how to talk to people in ways that keep them from going on the attack and escalating the issue.

5. Mirror the Behavior You Want to See – You might not learn about mirroring if you aren’t actively reading about self-help. But, as you learn more about yourself and how you want to be treated, you will learn how to act in such a way that demonstrates to others how you want them to behave. This works especially well with children.

6. Learn to Compliment Others – When you study self-help techniques and how to build self-esteem in yourself, you’ll learn that an honest compliment can go a long way. As you feel more secure in yourself, you’ll find that you have more good things to say about others. As you compliment them, they will also feel better about themselves and a circle of positivity (is that even a word?) will begin.

7. Learn to Ask Questions the Right Way – Instead of trying to convince someone of a fact by debating them, learn to ask leading questions. Questions that make the person think about their answers deeply will work a lot better than making demands on them. As you read self-help books and practice self-help, you’ll learn the right techniques.

8. Ask How You Can Make Someone’s Life Better Today – You don’t want to be a doormat but you do want to learn how to have a servant’s heart. It feels good to do things for other people willingly without force. When you put your friends’, children’s or spouse’s needs ahead of your own, they will likely do the same for you.

9. Learning What Boundaries Are Helps Everyone – As you study self-help, you’ll learn more about healthy boundaries which will keep you from taking any of the other lessons you’ve learned too far in the wrong direction. Boundaries keep us from either being abused or being abusive to others. We realize that our rights end where someone else’s begins. You can learn more about developing/having boundaries in a free course offered by Richard Grannon here.

As you seek to improve yourself, and put to practice the things that you learn, you’ll find that your friends and family often follow your lead as long as you aren’t demanding of them. Instead of actively trying to recruit anyone into your new-found self-knowledge training, just be the example and they’ll come around all on their own.

How Self-Help Boosts The Health Of Your Mind, Body, And Spirit

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Do you remember Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live? He was a character that took the idea of self-help and made fun of it. Stuart would look in the mirror and tell himself he was special and smart and do other daily affirmations. A famous quote that he said is, “Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!”

The most interesting thing about this skit is that even though they sought to make fun of the entire self-help movement, there was truth in what they did. The more you talk to yourself in a positive way, the more positive your life will become and the more successful you will become. It’s just a fact that positive people are often more successful than negative people. The reason is that positive people believe they deserve to be successful. Plus they combined it with Mirror Work, made famous (to me, at least) by Louise Hay in You Can Heal Your Life.

* No One Knows You Better Than Yourself – Also, no one is more judgmental to you than yourself. It’s sad that the one person you can truly count on, turns on you and treats you worse than you would allow any other individual to treat you, isn’t it? But you can turn this around by taking hold of the idea of self-help and realizing that it’s not just a comedy skit. It’s real, and it can affect your entire being: mind, body, and spirit.

* Believe in Self-Help – People who are interested in self-help are generally open-minded people who believe that they have some measure of control over what happens to them. That means that people who get help from self-help already believe that it is possible. They are willing to give the suggestions they learn a try, and due to that fact alone usually see success in their efforts.

* Self-Help Can Build Self-Confidence – When you feel confident in yourself, positive things begin to happen to your mind. If you previously thought you could not do something and due to reading a self-help book you went outside of your comfort zone and experienced success, it is likely that the self-confidence you developed will wash over into trying more new things. It can be like a snowball effect that more confidence builds more confidence. This is essentially raising your energy vibration. I’ll write more about energy vibrations and raising them in the future. You can learn more about energy as vibration from a lot of places. I would suggest starting with the movies The Secret and What the Bleep Do We Know.

* Self-Help Can Reduce Anxiety – When you realize that you’re not helpless against your emotions and feelings, you will start to notice a big change. When you manage to overcome some of your social anxiety due to taking some of the actions you’ve read about in self-help books, then each step you take out of anxiety will get easier. This isn’t to say that you will never need medication for anxiety, but you might realize from self-help that it’s okay to take medication if you need it.

* Self-Help Can Be the Catalyst for Getting Healthy – Very few people are able to change their body through diet and exercise, because they don’t think that they can or they haven’t figured out a plan of action to do it. By reading self-help books and finding stories of others who have accomplished it, you start to realize it is possible and that you can do it too. Even if you only reach half your goal, you will still end up healthier than before self-help. And, yes, I would include tracking your diet in apps/websites like cronometer.com and fitday.com to be included in self-help. You’re helping yourself! 😉

* Self-Help Makes It Normal to Be Spiritual – Today it can be hard to be spiritual due to how busy everyone is and how it feels like a dog-eat-dog world that is full of anything but love. But when you read self-help books and try to practice self-love and acceptance, you start realizing how much you need the spiritual food that love gives you. When you make it a priority, your life will become better.

While many people treat self-help like a joke, it is actually very effective in helping a lot of people make their lives better. People do not come away from a study of self-help in any area of life unchanged. Taking the time to learn is always going to be a good thing.

What methods of self-help have you used? Let me know in the comments!

How To Get The Most Out Of Self-Help

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Self-Help Can Work For You

1. Most people have the skills within themselves to improve their lives on their own.

2. So much can be gained through determination, hard work, and independence. That said, you can always add an accountability partner, either in real life or in an online group.

3. Learning new concepts and techniques can help people develop skills that they can then benefit from.

4. Anything that provides a person with motivation and inspiration can help someone make a positive change in their life.

Limitations of Self-Help

It’s important that you know sometimes there are situations in life where self-help won’t work, as it cannot help with everything. In many situations, self-help can only get you so far.

1. There aren’t any “magic formulas” for success, meaning that there isn’t always one specific answer.

2. Getting help from mentors (such as from Angela Wills or Kelly McCausey *waves*) and important people in your life isn’t a bad thing, as they can add in a perspective you didn’t originally have.

3. It’s important to know that any issues with addiction, anxiety, and depression may not be fixable alone. I’ve heard of one alcoholic who decided that he wanted to change his life and managed to get off alcohol cold-turkey, including going through withdrawals, on his own, but that’s the only case I’ve personally heard about.

4. Some of the self-help material out there may be mainly about the hype, and not the substance. Sometimes it seems like trying to find effective self-help tools is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

There are so many people who have proven that self-help truly does work and there are so many different techniques. You really have to kind of experiment sometimes to find what techniques you enjoy working with.

It’s key that you figure out how to help yourself, because even if you don’t get what you wanted to out of self-help, you’ve gained a skill that’s important to have in this society: independence. Getting help from yourself is eye-opening and provides you with so many benefits, including motivation, inspiration, and possibly a big boost to self-esteem when you can honestly say “I DID IT!”